Q. What happens at an initial spiritual direction meeting? What would we talk about?
A. Most directors would begin simply by asking you what has brought you to direction, and what you might be hoping for or expecting from the process. They would also describe something about how they approach direction, and allow you to ask any questions you want about them or their backgrounds. After that, your conversation might take any of a number of paths, including your own current or past experiences or feelings about prayer or about God, or about the desires or impending decisions that have brought you to direction. Each individual will have a different path in direction, since God has a different relationship with each one of us. But the focus will always return to understanding and reflecting on each individual’s desire for God, and God’s desire for a relationship with us.
Q. How often do people meet for spiritual direction?
A. Most individuals meet with their director once a month for about an hour, although some may choose a different type of schedule.
Q. What does it mean that someone’s approach to spiritual direction is “in the Ignatian tradition”?
A. St. Ignatius Loyola (1491-1556), in addition to founding the Jesuit order of priests, in his lifetime developed an approach to prayer and the spiritual life that helped him, and those around him, notice God’s action in their lives. He believed that God is present in this world more actively than we know, and that through prayer we can reach a point where God’s presence in all things becomes more apparent to us. Prayer can also lead us to discover our deepest desires, and help free us from the attachments that hold us back from those desires. In his Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius laid out a structure for a retreat that would deepen the retreatant’s personal relationship with Christ and help discern where the retreatant is being called by God. Today retreats based on the Spiritual Exercises are available in many forms, including one that takes place over time as part of the individual’s regular daily routine. More broadly, Ignatius’ vision of a close, loving, ultimately liberating relationship with God continues to shape many spiritual directors’ approach to what they do.
Q. How do I find a director who is right for me?
A. The choice of a director is very personal, and you are entitled to have a director with whom you are comfortable, and who you feel speaks the same language you do about God and your life experiences. If you meet with a director a few times and you don’t feel the conversations are helpful, or you feel you have a hard time understanding what the director is talking about, it may be that you would benefit from meeting someone else. Don’t immediately assume that spiritual direction isn’t for you, based on one relationship that doesn’t work out quite the way you hoped.
There is a national directory of trained spiritual directors available from Spiritual Directors International (SDI). The Office of Ignatian Spirituality maintains a directory of qualified directors trained in the Ignatian tradition on the East Coast of the United States. Or you can ask a local church staff member for recommendations and references to people they may know. Many spiritual directors offer the option of meeting online, so you are not necessarily limited to people located in your immediate area.
Q. Is spiritual direction like therapy?
A. Direction has a few things in common with therapy or counseling – you have a completely confidential relationship with another individual, and it is a relationship where issues personal to you are discussed freely and openly. Therapy, however, tends to focus on resolving blockages or difficulties in life and relationships. While spiritual direction may touch on those issues, its focus is exploring God’s active role in each person’s life, and the personal relationship each individual has, or wants to have, with God. Some people find both therapy and spiritual direction helpful, either simultaneously or at different points.
Q. I don’t feel like a very spiritual person. Or, I don’t feel like I’m very close to an institutional church. What would I get out of direction?
A. Many people don’t feel as if they are experienced or “accomplished” in prayer, and therefore don’t think that spiritual direction is intended for them. And yet God wants a relationship with every person, and you may already have had experiences in your life of God’s presence and love outside of what you might normally think of as formal “prayer.” In that case, spiritual direction may help expand your awareness of where God is already present with you, even though what you have traditionally thought of as “prayer” has not been attractive to you.
Spiritual direction also does not assume that you are a loyal, devoted church member, and the goal of direction is not to turn you into one. God acts and interacts with everyone, at all times and in every place. If you are at a point in your life where, for whatever reason, traditional church activity is not supporting you in your relationship with God, spiritual direction welcomes you where you are.
Q. How long does spiritual direction last?
A. Some people turn to spiritual direction at a particular point of life transition, or when they are dealing with some particular issues or decisions where they are hoping for God’s insight and help. In those cases, spiritual direction may last for a number of months and then stop. However, others come to find that direction is a valuable ongoing support for their life with God, and make it an ongoing, essentially life-long practice.
Q. Does spiritual direction cost money?
A. Every director handles this differently. Some directors ask for a modest fee for each session. Others, since they are employed by parishes or other organizations, don’t charge at all, or ask for a small contribution to their sponsoring organization. This is something you should feel free to ask about before meeting with anyone.
Q. Are there books about prayer that might be helpful?
A. There is an overwhelming number of books about prayer! But here are a few that I often refer to and recommend to others.
William Barry, SJ, God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship. For anyone who wants to “start over” with a simple, refreshing approach to what prayer is all about.
Margaret Silf, Inner Compass: An Invitation to Ignatian Spirituality. A readable and very effective overview of St. Ignatius’ belief that we can find God alive and active in every part of our life.
James Finley, Merton’s Palace of Nowhere. A book to read slowly over time, to get a sense of what a relationship with God in prayer can be like. “Prayer begins to take on its full dimensions only when we begin to intuit that the subtle nothingness of prayer is everything.”
Iain Matthew, The Impact of God: Soundings from St. John of the Cross. The perfect book for anyone intimidated by this Spanish mystic, reminding us that in prayer it is always God taking the initiative, not us.